The childhood, early relationships, upbringing, personality, and traumatic incidents impact the feelings and actions of narcissists. If one or both of your parents are narcissists or have narcissistic traits, or whatever the situation is in your family or however old you are, you need to take control of your own life and move forward.
It’s never too late to set emotional and physical boundaries, process your feelings, and work on healing. Even if you are a minor, and still financially dependent on them and still living in the same house, you can still help yourself. As a kid, you may not have had much choice than to try to meet the demands of the narcissistic parent. Maybe you have spent years trying to please or earn the recognition, respect, and love from a narcissistic parent only to be continuously let down.
First of all, you need to identify the narcissistic characteristics of your parents so that you do not feel guilty for disliking them or wanting to be away from them:
They do not show concern or compassion for you.
They often blame you or others when things don’t go according to them.
They rule by domination, fear, and manipulation.
They tease, mock, bully, or gaslight by privately or publicly embarrassing or shaming you.
They constantly criticize you, even when you are being your best.
Dealing With Narcissistic Parents When in any relationship with any type of narcissist, it’s good to prioritize self-care and emotional wellbeing. Narcissists can drain your energy and twist facts to the point that may have you wondering whether you’re the one with the problem. Here are some ways to deal with narcissistic parents:
Accept that they won’t change
Know that you cannot change someone’s narcissistic behavior, only they can do that. Dealing with narcissistic parents is tough and you may need to make some hard decisions and choices that include setting new boundaries about what you will and will not tolerate moving forward.
Stop making them understand-
Keep in mind that explaining to a narcissist that they’re being narcissistic doesn’t work because they’re not self-aware enough or don’t have enough empathy. So, no matter how many times to try to explain how their actions or words have hurt you, they will never ever accept it.
Find Emotional Support-
Don’t isolate yourself with your narcissistic parent. Talk to other family members and friends. Build relationships outside your home and don’t spend all your attention on this one person.
Assert Boundaries-
Narcissists constantly violate boundaries. They see others, particularly their children, as extensions of themselves to control and manipulate. So, you need to set healthy boundaries about what you will and will not take from them. You can also use the ‘Grey rock’ technique in which a person provides little input and avoids reacting to, engaging with, or even acknowledging the other party’s attempt to manipulate or create a chaotic or toxic situation.
Stop Hurting Yourself-
Stop patterns of self-abuse and hurt. Being raised in a narcissistic family, you are prone to risky, self-punishing, and self-soothing but destructive behaviors, such as substance abuse, addictions, and self-harm. Your self-destructive behavior is an internalization of the narcissistic abuse you grew up with, which is the opposite of the narcissist’s externalization of their pain. By engaging in such behavior, you continue to give the narcissist power over you.
Mental Health Support-
Seek professional help and support for yourself if and whenever things go out of hand. A professional therapist or psychologist will be able to help you in a better way.